


Fuel for Disaster

by bazzledazzlewriting



Category: Carry On Series - Rainbow Rowell
Genre: Canon Divergence, Enemies to Lovers, Fake Dating, Getting Together, Homophobia, M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-01-27
Updated: 2019-02-17
Packaged: 2019-10-17 20:50:23
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 4,373
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17567735
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bazzledazzlewriting/pseuds/bazzledazzlewriting
Summary: Simon Snow only wanted to be Baz’s fake boyfriend to get back at his extremely homophobic father. That was the only reason (and to find out what he was plotting).It wasn’t like he was actually going to fall in love with him.





	1. Mistakes and Surprises

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you so much to @dragonsandgayvampires and @abbie-the-unicorn on tumblr for editing this! 
> 
> TW- Homophobia

“I just don’t understand, Basil.” A voice says from behind the door. 

  
“Don’t understand what?” Baz roars. Simon has never heard Baz roar. Baz might be a self centered prick, but he always kept his emotions in check. Simon could get him pretty riled up, but never like this.    
  
Maybe it would be better if there was some context. There’s a week every year at Watford where parents are allowed to come and visit the students to see how things are going. Typically, only first years ever really got a visit, but something seemed to have piqued Baz’s dad’s interest that caused him to pay a visit.    
  
Honestly, Simon shouldn’t be eavesdropping. Something about this conversation seemed too personal, Baz didn't even seem to share his secrets with his friends. Were Dev and Niall his friends? Baz doesn’t seem to treat them that way....   
  
“Why you would choose this! You know how important presentation is to this family.” Baz scoffs.    
  
“Being gay is not a choice!” Yep, definitely way too personal. Simon should leave. He really should.    
  
“You just haven’t found the right girl yet, Baz,” Baz’s dad says, sounding almost annoyed. And tired, as if this was a conversation they had many times before. Simon could practically hear Baz’s nostrils flare through the door. He even saw it in his mind, with his perfect brows drawn together angrily. The look in his grey eyes would be absolutely vicious, like a viper rearing back to bite.    
  
“Father. I am seventeen. When are you going to realize that this isn’t a phase?” The tone of Baz’s voice... it’s so dejected. He sounds like he’s lost all hope, like he’s drowning. He sounds like he’s been drowning for years, calling out for help but nobody has ever come.    
  
“Baz. I don’t know what kind of teenage rebellion you think this is, but you are never, under any circumstances, going to have a boyfriend.” There’s a moment of tense silence. Simon knows what Baz is doing. He’s calculating his best move.    
  
“Try and stop me, father. Just. Try.”    
  
Simon is about to turn away and leave when the door bursts open. In the doorway is Baz’s dad.    
  
Baz’s dad is a whole new brand of terrifying. Honestly, Simon isn’t too surprised considering Baz, but Baz’s dad holds something even more unsettling. Simon’s heart pounds in his chest.    
  
“Simon Snow,” He says, sounding disinterested. Simon squeaks, but he never gets to stutter out a reply. Mr. Grimm-Pitch pushes past him, walking down the hall as if nothing happened. As if he hadn’t just gotten in a huge argument with his son.    
  
Simon walks into the room, not sure what to expect. Somehow he was both surprised and not surprised to find Baz with a bored expression on his face as he opened a book. It was almost  as if the conversation didn’t phase him. Honestly, Simon started to wonder if it was even real.    
  
———   
  
Simon had a tendency to get himself into messes, which may have led him to where he’s at now, pulling at his curls as a crazy plot brews in his head.    
  
A few hours later, after Baz had left to go do vampire things and came back to find Simon “sleeping,” the sniffles began to start.    
  
At first, Simon wasn’t sure he was hearing correctly. Eight years, and he’s never heard Baz cry once. It had to be in his head.    
  
But then the sniffles came again, and Simon knew that he wasn’t imagining it.    
  
“Baz are you crying?” Simon tries not to sound like he’s mocking him, but his voice sounds so indifferent that Baz takes it the wrong way.    
  
“Fuck off, Snow.” Simon sits up on his bed, reaching over to turn on a lamp. He grunts at the way the light stings his eyes.    
  
Baz is facing away from Simon, all scrunched up in a ball. His shoulders are hunched and his hair is a disaster. He looks so unlike Baz. He looks so vulnerable.    
  
“Hey,” Simon says, hitting Baz lightly with a pillow. That gets him to sit up. He flashes Simon the most vicious glare, but it doesn’t really work when his eyes are so red and puffy.    
  
“What do you want, Snow?” Baz sounds tired.    
  
“What’s wrong?” Simon says seriously. Baz looks down, kicking his feet against his bed, a frown on his face.    
  
“It’s none of your business,” Baz snaps.    
  
“Course it is! I’m your roommate and you’re crying!”    
  
“Since when do you care?” Baz hisses viciously. Simon groans.    
  
“Merlin why are you such a prick?” Silence falls across the room. Baz isn’t crying anymore, but Simon still doesn’t want to leave this alone.    
  
“Is this about your dad?” Baz’s head whips up so fast that Simon isn’t sure how he didn’t break it.    
  
“What?” Simon leans back a little. He probably should stop. It’s not a good idea to piss off your deadly, evil, vampire roommate. But his brain doesn’t seem to be getting the message.    
  
“I overheard you and your dad arguing earlier.” Baz sneers, like he isn’t bothered by that. But after years of looking for any emotion in Baz’s eyes, Simon knows that it’s bothering him a lot more than he’s letting on.    
  
“So what, Snow? You’re going to spread rumors that I’m gay as well as a vampire?” Baz doesn’t even sound scared. He just sounds done.    
  
“What— no. No that’s not what I—“ Baz huffs, standing up. He starts to make for the door, but Simon darts up and blocks his path.    
  
“I wouldn’t do that,” Simon says, looking Baz in the eye. They’re close. They’ve been this close before, but for some reason this feels more intimate. It causes a blush to rise up into Simon’s cheeks.    
  
“What do you want from me, Snow?” Baz says, crossing his arms. Simon doesn’t know what he wants.    
  
“Why didn’t you tell me?” Simon’s voice drops low. Baz’s lowers to match.    
  
“Tell you what? That I’m gay? That my father is a homophobic arsehole? That he doesn’t think I can find a boyfriend that will actually love me? Crowley Snow, these are things I’d prefer not to share with my half-wit roommate.”    
  
“I’m sorry.”    
  
“Sorry for what, Snow?” Baz says, sounding exasperated. Simon straightens, pulling himself up to his fullest hight. It doesn’t help, though. Baz is still taller.    
  
“I’m sorry your father’s an arsehole. He doesn’t have any right to hate you because of who you’re attracted to.”    
  
“Thanks Snow.” Baz doesn’t sound thankful. He just sounds pissed off.    
  
Simon sighs, stepping aside. Baz glares at him, then walks swiftly out the door, shutting it behind him.    
  
Simon sinks into his bed, his thoughts filling with Baz (which wasn’t too abnormal).    
  
In the care homes, there were sometimes boys and girls who would come in after being kicked out of the place they called home for so long. They were the kindest and sweetest people, but everyone always judged them. They were judged because they liked guys instead of girls and girls instead of guys and everything in-between. They were tossed aside because they felt like more of a guy than a girl or a girl than a guy. They were rejected, just like Simon, because they were different.    
  
And Simon hated it. He hated that Baz was going through the same thing with his father. He hated how much it made Baz lose all of his control.    
  
Simon hated to admit it, but he hated how heartbroken Baz sounded. Like he actually believed his father when he said a boy would never love him like that (especially considering Baz was, well, Baz).    
  
Simon sat straight up in his bed, his eyes wide. It was crazy, and definitely would probably get him into trouble later. He wasn’t even sure if Baz would agree, but maybe, maybe....   
  
Maybe it was time to prove Baz’s dad wrong.    
  
————   
  
Baz was hoping he’d walk in to the room to find Simon sleeping soundly without a care in the world, but he should’ve known better than to hope. Simon was frustratingly stubborn and apparently this was something that bothered him enough to wait up. In any other situation, Baz may have felt touched, his idiotic feelings going wild, but right now he just wanted to let it go.    
  
“Baz,” Simon says, looking at a loss. And also adorable. Merlin, why was he always so adorable?    
  
Baz raises an eyebrow.    
  
“That is my name.” Baz hopes he looks as cool and collected as he thinks he does as he looks down at Simon.    
  
“I had an idea.”    
  
“Brilliant. Try not to kill me while you’re at it,” Baz says, tugging off his shoes. Simon scrunches his hands in his curls.    
  
“I think I know how to get back at your father.” Baz huffs, sitting down on his bed.    
  
“Snow, I’m not interested in—“    
  
“I’ll be your boyfriend.” Baz isn’t sure he heard Simon correctly. His vampire senses allowed him to hear a lot more than a normal person, but in no universe would Simon Snow ever want to be Baz’s boyfriend.    
  
“What?” Simon stands, walking over to Baz’s bed. Baz’s breath hitches as Simon sits down.    
  
“You’re going home for Christmas, right?”    
  
“Yes?” Simon is shifting anxiously and his magic is pouring out of him. Baz almost takes him by the shoulders and tells him to breathe, but he doesn’t.    
  
“How about you invite me over for Christmas and I pretend to be your boyfriend to prove your father wrong.” Simon Snow is an absolute idiot. Why did Baz like him so much?    
  
“And how do you propose we do that?” Simon huffs, pulling at his hair even more. His curls are thoroughly rumpled.    
  
“Your dad said that you could never be in love with a boy and that a boy could never be in love with you, right?” Baz looks at him suspiciously.    
  
“Right...”    
  
“So... we prove him wrong by acting like we’re in love.” 

  
“Snow... we’re enemies. You’re the Mage’s foster son who has been out to get the families since as long as I can remember. Plus, I don’t take you to be that great of an actor.”   
  
“I can pretend to be in love with you.”    
  
“Sure, Snow. And you can ace all your classes without Bunce.” Simon glares.    
  
“I can.” Baz’s lip curls.    
  
“Prove it.” Something shifts in Simon’s expression. Suddenly he’s moving closer to Baz and Baz feels his heart stutter in his chest. He twines his fingers through Baz’s, smiling up at him with the dopiest grin Baz has ever seen. For a moment, Baz thinks Simon might kiss him and he feels like he can’t breathe.    
  
“Baz,” Simon says, smiling a little when he says his name. He whispers it like it’s a secret that he only wants Baz to hear. It makes Baz’s head is buzzing and he feels like Simon is about to go off, filling the room with his magic and making everyone feel drunk. Except he isn’t drunk on Simon’s magic.

 

“You look really pretty tonight.” Merlin and Morgana this is going to be terrible. 

 

—————

 

Simon must be better at this whole flirting thing than he thought. 

 

That was odd to think about. Him, flirting with Baz. Simon didn’t even like guys, but he sure as hell was making Baz blush the tiniest. 

 

“AHA! You’re blushing!” Simon says, sounding proud. Baz scowls at him, but a light pink dusts his cheeks. 

 

“That’s moronic, Snow.” Simon snorts. 

 

“Admit it, Baz. I’m a good flirt.” 

 

“What you are is an idiot.” Baz won’t look at Simon directly and that’s all it takes for Simon to know that he’s won this argument. 

 

“But…” Baz sighs, letting go of Simon’s hands. Simon forgot that he was holding him. “Maybe you are a little better than I anticipated.”

 

“Did THE Basilton Grimm-Pitch just admit that he was wrong?” Baz glares at Simon, who bursts out in laughter at the ridiculousness of the situation.  Baz scowls. 

 

“You done?” He says when Simon finally calms down. Simon takes a deep breath. 

 

“Do we have a deal?” Baz’s nostrils flare. 

 

“Why are you doing this, Snow. You have nothing to gain.” But Simon had  _ everything  _ to gain. He got to prove a bully wrong and maybe get close enough to Baz to find out what he was plotting. 

 

Thinking about it now, Simon was starting to think that was the real reason. If he kept close, maybe he could figure Baz out. Maybe he could understand what he’s plotting. 

 

“Because I want to. I don’t have anywhere to go for the holidays anyways.” Baz takes a deep breath. 

 

“Fine.” Simon doesn’t know why this makes him so happy. He feels his heart swell as he smiles widely. At first he thinks it might be a mistake, but when the pink tinge comes back to Baz’s cheeks, well, Simon decides to count it as a win. 


	2. Giggles

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this took so long to come out! I've been really busy lately and I'm going to get busier in the coming weeks but I'll try to update whenever I can! I really like this chapter though and I hope you guys do too!
> 
> Once again thank you to @dragonsandgayvampires and @abbie-the-unicorn on tumblr for editing this!!

“Okay ground rules,” Simon says. They’re on the train now, on the way to Baz’s. As the ride went on, Simon felt himself getting antsy, feeling increasingly more worried about this whole situation. 

 

When Baz put on his clothes that morning for the trip home, Simon desperately wished he owned something other than trackie bottoms and a Watford jumper. Compared to him, Simon looked like a disaster, and that was not the impression he wanted to leave on Baz’s family. 

 

Not that he cared….

 

“What?” Baz says. Simon huffs. 

 

“I don’t know! If we’re in a fake relationship maybe we should just figure out what we’re comfortable with.” Baz frowns at Simon. 

 

“Ok, first of all you need to stop doing that?” 

 

“Doing what?” Simon swears that bastard glares harder. 

 

“That! We can’t really convince your father we’re dating if you keep giving me the death glare.” 

 

“This is my normal face, Snow.” Simon runs his hands through his curls. Baz was impossible. He doesn’t even know why he’s doing this anymore. He should get out while he still can. 

 

“Of course it is. Crowley, would it kill you to smile once in a while?” Baz sneers and Simon decides to leave the topic alone. 

 

“What else?” Baz says. He’s tapping his fingers against his pants in a steady beat. 

 

“I dunno. I don’t really care.” 

 

“Then why are you setting up ground rules!” 

 

“I don’t know!” Simon huffs, turning away from Baz. There’s a tense silence between them before Baz sighs. 

 

“Just… I guess do what normal couples do, right? Like hand-holding? Cuddling?” Baz gulps. His fingers tap even more rapidly. 

 

“What about kissing?” Simon asks more tentatively. Baz doesn’t look at him. 

 

“I’d prefer… if we don’t do that.” Baz says timidly. Simon doesn’t think he’s ever heard Baz say anything timidly before. 

 

“Ok,” Simon says with a shrug. “What about pet names?” Baz snorts. 

 

“Crowley, Snow you want to come up with pet names?” 

 

“I mean it couldn’t hurt. Plus, you know you’re dying to hear me call you ‘sugar’?” Simon says, a small smirk on his face. Baz makes a sound and for a moment, Simon isn’t sure what it is. Then he realizes. Baz is  _ laughing.  _

 

It’s so genuine and true that it catches Simon off guard for a second. They’re small giggles at first as a smile takes over Baz’s face, his eyes crinkling with a smile. Then, Crowley, he snorts. 

 

For a moment, Baz stops, looking at Simon. But the moment passes and suddenly  _ both  _ of them are bursting out into giggles, snorting and cackling as they lean against each other slightly. 

 

Simon has to admit, he kind of likes Baz’s laugh. It’s imperfect in a way that completely contradicts his normal behavior. He looks so different when he’s happy and honestly it makes Simon feel like the world was spinning. 

 

Maybe this trip wouldn’t be so terrible after all. 

 

* * *

 

Baz should’ve never agreed to this. He should’ve never fallen for Simon’s dull blue eyes and he should’ve never thought that this could work out. 

 

Simon smiles at him. He laughs and it’s the most amazing thing Baz has ever heard. 

 

Baz already knew he was a goner, but this might just kill him. 

* * *

 

 

Simon was beginning to have his doubts when he reached the front step of Baz’s house. Baz’s maid or something picked them up from the train station and it was a long and quiet ride back to Baz’s. Simon was used to silence between him and Baz, but now it seemed even worse. He was anxious and desperately wanted someone to talk to, but Baz didn’t say anything, so he didn’t either. 

 

Baz opens the door, his expression holding no emotion. He didn’t look happy or scared, not one bit. Simon was dead jealous. 

 

Simon follows Baz’s lead as they step into the foyer of the Grimm-Pitch mansion. Simon tried not to stare, he really did, but he’s never seen a place so grand. The outside made it look big, but it was HUGE on the inside. There were two statues of gargoyles at the bottom of a spiral staircase that led up to Merlin knows where. It was adorned with dark red velvet carpet and elegant wooden rails polished to perfection. On the floor beneath them there was a rug that was probably worth more than Simon as a person and a huge crystal chandelier hung above them. 

 

He felt like he was in the Queen’s castle, which is, to say the least, he was out of place. He was very out of place. 

 

“Stop gawking, Snow,” Baz whispers-hisses at Simon. Simon tries to close his mouth, flushing slightly. 

 

“Basil,” a voice says. Simon and Baz turn to it, Baz doing it cooly and Simon doing it in a panicky way that made it seem like he was up to something. 

 

Standing there is a woman. She looks nothing like Baz, but she has long brown hair and brown eyes. Next to her is Baz’s father. 

 

Just seeing his cool expression made Simon want to bolt out the door and never come back. But he gave a sidelong glance at Baz and knew he had to stay. He was going to stay. 

 

“Mother, father,” Baz says, his voice holding no emotion. Baz’s dad looks Baz up and down, then his eyes settle on Simon. Simon feels his anxiety build up even more. 

 

“To what do I owe the pleasure, Mr. Snow?” He says, sounding like it definitely is not a pleasure. 

 

Simon opens his mouth to say something, but all words escape him. He stutters, trying to come up with something. He was never good with words, and this time was no exception. 

 

Suddenly, Simon feels a cold hand on the small of his back. He gasps slightly at the touch, not quite expecting it. He looked over to find Baz standing next to him. 

 

“Mother, father. I believe I discussed the arrangement to have my boyfriend over for Christmas.” Baz’s dad looks angry and it begins to dawn on Simon that this probably wasn’t the best idea. Who would believe that Baz would date him? They’re on complete opposite sides of a war. Baz and his lot probably hated Simon just as much as they hated the Mage. 

 

“Ah. Of course,” Baz’s dad says cooly, smiling with a pained expression. 

 

“Now, if you wouldn’t mind, Simon and I are going to bring our bags to our rooms.” What happened next was a blur. Baz led him up the stairs, moving his hand from Simon’s back to his hand. He seemed angry, but Simon couldn’t really think about that. 

 

Baz called him  _ Simon _ . 

 

* * *

 

To be fair, Simon probably wasn’t the best choice if Baz was on a mission to find a fake boyfriend to convince his father it was completely and utterly possible for two boys to be in love. He stuttered a lot, dressed like a slob, and had atrocious table manners. Earlier was a disaster, but dinner was an even bigger disaster. Baz isn’t even sure how they managed to get through it. 

 

And after it all, his father had the audacity to ask if Simon knew about his “condition.” 

 

Baz missed Watford. Anything was better than this. 

 

Simon and Baz were forced to sleep in separate rooms, but apparently Simon didn’t get the memo. 

 

“What are you doing in my room, Snow?” Baz says, ignoring how cute he looked sitting on Baz’s couch holding a pillow close to his chest. His bottom lip was bright red and raw, as if he’s been biting it. A bad habit that he used to do more often, but stopped after Bunce kept telling him off for it. 

 

Simon shoots up, his face turning red as he tries to come up with an excuse. He’s wringing the pillow in his hands, making it all wrinkled. 

 

“Something keeps making noises in my room,” Simon says finally. Baz rolls his eyes. 

 

“That’s the wraiths, Snow.” Simon scowls. 

 

“Am I supposed to know what those are?”

 

“Of course you should. Mages grow up learning about them from the age of three. But, of course, you’re hardly a mage,” Baz says with a sneer. Simon huffs. 

 

“Can I just, sleep in here?” Baz glares at him for a long moment before giving in. Simon is scared of wraiths because he’s an idiot and Baz is completely and utterly in love with him and can’t say no. Crowley, this was already a disaster. 

 

“Fine. But you’re sleeping on the couch.” Simon snorts and Baz glares. 

 

“What?” 

 

“Nothing you just completely vaporized the whole ‘one bed’ trope.” Baz glared at him, but inwardly he was screaming like a teenage schoolgirl who’s crush just looked at them. 

 

“That trope is stupid and overused.” Simon snorts again. 

 

“Your search history says otherwise.” If Baz was drinking something, he would’ve spit it out. 

 

“ _ Excuse me. _ ” 

 

“Oh come on Baz. Don’t act like you don’t know what I’m talking about.” Baz glares. 

 

“No, Snow. I haven’t the slightest clue.” 

 

“Tell that to your search history of thousands of Klance and Drarry bed-sharing AUs.” Someone should straight up just bury Baz. Let Snow lay him down in his grave so he can be let down one last time. 

 

“You’re half-numpty, Snow, you barely understand the words coming out of your mouth.” 

 

“You know you seem to be particularly fond of the enemies to lovers fics…” Baz huffs, walking over to his bed and pulling the covers back. 

 

“Stop touching my stuff Snow.” And with that, Baz turns off the light with his wand. He crawls into his bed, pulling the covers up so they covered every part of him except his head. He heard Simon toss and turn on the couch, trying to get comfortable. Simon huffs before settling in a position. 

 

The silence in the air is thick and suffocating. Baz never liked his room in Hampshire, and this was no exception. But soon Simon’s snores started to fill the room and Baz started to feel at ease. 

 

He fell asleep to the familiar sound of the supernova that was Simon Snow. 

 

* * *

 

“There’s the bugger,” a familiar voice says. It was way too early and Baz was hoping the kitchen would be empty, but this was the kind of surprise that can be forgiven. Baz wipes the sleep from his eyes, grinning widely. 

 

“Hey Fiona.” Fiona grins back at him, sliding him a plate of eggs and sausage as he sits down. Baz doesn’t bother to tell her that he doesn’t like to eat in front of people. 

 

“When did you get in? I thought you weren’t coming for another three days.” Fiona taps her black nails against the table. 

 

“Well I had to come immediately when I found out you found yourself a bloke.” Despite himself, Baz feels a blush creep up his face. Thankfully, he hasn’t fed yet so it’s not that noticeable. 

 

“It’s just a bloke,” Baz says, trying to sound uninterested as he pushes his eggs around his plate, even though his heart’s pounding. Fiona snorts. 

 

“Jesus Christ, Basil, you’re blushing.” This only causes Baz to blush even more. 

 

“It’s not that big of a deal, Fi,” Baz says, because it really isn’t. Baz wishes it were. Or maybe it is, at least to Baz. 

 

“Well come on then, who is it? Someone from a respectable family I’m sure.” As if prompted, there is a crash from behind them as something falls to the floor. Both Baz and Fiona turn to it, their eyes landing on none other than the Chosen One, who looks properly mortified. On the floor is the toaster for some ungodly reason. 

 

“Snow,” Baz says cooly. Simon’s face goes even redder as he picks up the toaster, obviously still half awake, although Simon is always clumsy even if he didn’t just wake up. 

 

“S-Sorry I’ll leave,” Simon mumbles, his eyes trained on the ground. Baz sighs. 

 

“Come sit down, Snow. We have eggs.” Simon sits down beside Baz awkwardly, shifting in his seat. They definitely were going to have to work on this more. 

 

Baz sides his plate to Simon, brushing his arm in the process. He finishes it off by whispering “here you go, love” into Simon’s ear. Simon looks as red as a tomato as he digs in. 

 

When Baz turns back to Fiona, her expression is a mix of horror, awe, and suspicion. But mostly she just looks amused. 

 

“Care to explain why the Chosen One is in our kitchen, Basilton? In your pajamas, mind you.” Baz almost rolls his eyes. 

 

“I’m sure you know that  _ my boyfriend  _ is staying with me for the holidays,” Baz says, emphasizing “boyfriend.” He enjoyed the sound of that way more than he should for a fake relationship. 

 

Fiona raises an eyebrow at Baz and he knows all the questions she’s dying to ask from that glance. Is this a plot? When did this start? Is it really a good idea to date the Chosen One?

 

Baz didn’t really have a good answer for any of her questions. 

 

“Well,  _ Chosen One, _ it’s a pleasure to meet you,” Fiona says with a wicked grin as she holds a hand out to Simon. 

 

Baz does not have a good feeling about this. 


End file.
